A number of things have changed since the last time I wrote here. I became the mother of a baby girl, Lucy, who has rapidly grown into a sweet and adventurous toddler. The experience of nurturing her through her early months has empowered, humbled, and changed me in more ways than I can articulate, and I’m deeply grateful she is part of our family.
I also completed the seven-year program in NIASZIIHhealing at wildernessFusion, in July. What do I say in a few sentences about a journey that so deepened and clarified who I am, and so transformed how I move in the world? My classmates and I sharpened and held each other. Our teachers helped us see ourselves with broader perspective. The earth and clients taught us. Those years in class were at once harsh and tender, starkly solitary and a homecoming. I walked away with the exploration of a lifetime still ahead but with a trusted set of tools to serve me (and my clients) on that path.
Early last year, I moved MothMoon Healing to a different spot in Middletown. “The Well,” at 15784 Douglas Street, sits on the edge of the library park, looking out on a stretch of grass and the giant, spreading central oak tree. The room is simple, spacious, and full of natural window-light, and I’m grateful to be there. I share the space with Ruth Richards, an acupuncturist, and Priya Friday-Pabros, a meditation teacher.
I could share so many reflections about the realm of healing that I’ve thought of since I last wrote here, but I’ll start with this: Pregnancy and early motherhood have given me a new understanding of just how fluid our bodies are.
I’ve experienced the irrational but powerful storm of hormone shifts. I’ve watched moles appear and nearly disappear on my skin. I’ve felt my body blimp and stretch to impossible size, then recede back to a similar-to-the-old-but-forever-different form. There’s the nausea, the primal pains of birth, the absolute surrender to nurturing a new creature, the miraculous production of a liquid that sustains another human life, and the strain as that life obliterates old routines. And all of this started from the joining of two microscopic cells.
Early motherhood is a compact time of change. But what possibilities does it demonstrate for the rest of our lives, both men and women? If a human body and soul are capable of such rapid and radical transformation in childbearing, how might we be able to transform at other times, if we can just find a catalyst or a doorway?
Yeah, you could say that these mind-blowing changes are built into the system, and when diseases of the body or mind show up, they are mutations, not meant to happen.
But everything is a response to something else. We don’t live in a vacuum, and we unconsciously create ruts within ourselves.
Deep healing can occur as we explore how something came to be. Questions can transform what is here now, even as they invite us further into mystery.
When we get a diagnosis or we’re stuck in a mental or emotional pattern, we often make it a “fixed point.” True, it is important to look at a thing and call it what it is. But then, can we let go and let ourselves see it with new eyes in the next moment?
What if a diagnosis or disorder could pass just as easily as pregnancy? (Yeah, maybe with some pain and scars.)
What if we are more fluid than we think?
I hope this note finds you well, and I hope that possibilities open before you, and in you, this new year.
For those of you interested in the school where I studied NIASZIIHhealing (and where I am now an assistant teacher): There will be an online intro to wildernessFusion on February 9, 2019. RSVP to save a spot in the video conference.